Tuesday, April 18, 2006

WORLD EXCLUSIVE - MY FIRST PICTURE

As the entire world knows by now, I HAVE BEEN BORN. I am a healthy 7 pound 7 ounce baby girl, named Suri. Sadly none of the great names some of you suggested were used. But what the world hasn't seen or heard is a PICTURE of me. Well Im happy to announce that I will show you the first picture, which is only fair since this is the only official site for me, Suri Cruise. So without further baby babble I present ME. This is a still photo leaked from a digital camera that was rolling during the delivery. I want to thank Sam R. for sending the clip to me. We are going down in history for this.



By the way my name is hebrew for princess, dont ask me why I have a Jew name. I only hope the only part of me that is Jewish is the name.

10 people can't be wrong? Can they?

According to Parade.com, they recently did a viewer poll to see if people thought it was the Media or Tom himself responsible for the horrible landslide his image has done. The results are in and this is just fucked:


"We at Parade found this a little bit fishy, so we did some investigating. We found out more than 14,000 (of the 18,000-plus votes) that came in were cast from only 10 computers! One computer was responsible for nearly 8,400 votes alone, all blaming the media for Tom's troubles. We also discovered that at least two other machines were the sources of inordinate numbers of votes. It seems these folks (whoever they may be) resorted to extraordinary measures to try to portray Tom in a positive light for the Parade.com survey."


Tom, step away from the PC, and go kill yourself. I hate you.

I wish I was never born.

Placenta for 1 please - A cannibal's view on post preggo delicacies.

Just when I thought that it couldn't possibly get any worse, the last 2 days have proven that depths of craziness are no where in sight. I sense that the GQ interview that Captain Crazy gave for this months mag, will hount us Cruise's for years to come. Besides all the previous crazy shit I have mentioned earlier, this little cannibal gem slipped through. Apparently Tom ( im refuse to call him daddy from this point on) is planning on eating the slim bubble I have been pissing and shitting in for the past 9 months - Raw Dog. God please if you are listening, stop the madness that is Tom Cruise:
"I'm gonna eat the placenta, too. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm going to eat the cord and the placenta right there."

In case you have never seen a placenta, Here is what it looks like

You just can't make this stuff up. I mean even if Tom was joking, WHY.. GOD WHY WOULD HE? Times have been rough lately, why add fuel to the fire that is consuming Tom's once spotless rep.? He is fucking killing the family name. Jesus just 2 short years ago, I would consider myself winning the lottery of life, being born to Tom Cruise and Katie Homles. I would be royalty and now Im the laughing stock of the world. Thanks dicklicker.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Lets Play a fun little game.. Name that ALIEN Baby!!

I wish my CRAZY ASS daddy would shut the fuck up already. Everything he says sounds stupid and if I feel that way I can only imagine what the rest of the world is thinking. Now with that said I want to play a little game. I want you all to play too.

Everyone knows that I am a beautiful bouncing baby alien GIRL. What you don't know is what are the whack pack going to call me?? Maybe you can help them name me?? That sounds like FUN FUN FUN. Keep them clean and on the crazy side, like my daddy. Oh want to see a picture of Daddy taking a PENIS poop?



On a related note, dumb shit (daddy) likes to play games too. According to the latest interview he gave he is making a game out of my birth. Except what he doesn't realize is that he is on the fucking sidelines in this game. Take a look at what dumb shit has to say about his fun new game... Story Here

Here are a few gems from that freak I call Daddy... Taking care of me is a GAME???
"It's just kind of becoming a fun game of learning. We've also been studying what happens after the birth and how to take care of the baby."

Well No shit Tom...Except you forgot Alien as an answer...
"We haven't told anybody," says Cruise. "It's either gonna be a boy or a girl."

Atleast we know where Mommy lands on his list... after his movie of course.
As for a wedding date, "We're kind of looking at late summer, early fall. I always thought it was going to be like three days and have it be a party. But now I don't know, because all our attention is on the baby and the movie."


OK let the naming BEGIN...

Friday, April 14, 2006

Im going to HELL - Thanks ALOT DickweedDad

First things first, mommy thinks this blog is HYSTERICAL. But she has one tiny request, that instead of being called "TomKat", she would like to be called "TomKitten" since she is still so young. Ok.

The good news is im still safe in mommies tummy. Bad news is im going to hell. That's right you heard me correctly - I am going to hell. Last night I over heard mommy and daddy talking and he said that I will not be baptized... CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THIS GUY.. Don't believe me? Take a look for yourself Story here My daddy is a dickhead...

Katie Holmes was raised a Catholic, but, says fiance Tom Cruise, their soon-to-arrive baby (ME) will not have a Catholic baptism...
"No," Cruise tells Diane Sawyer in an interview on ABC's "Primetime," airing Friday night in the U.S. "No, I mean you can be Catholic and be a Scientologist. You can be Jewish and be a Scientologist. But we're just Scientologists."


Someone please help us. Please come and save me and mommy before its too late. I beg you...

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Meet the CRAZIESCruises

Hi my name is Baby Alien Cruise (Al for short) and I am the future baby of my parents Tom and Katie: Pictured here
.
I wanted to tell my story while I still have a chance. I know once Im in the hands of my crazy ass father I will be brain washed and that will be the end of my free thinking. He has powers you know, don't believe me...take a look at what he did to this poor black woman...

I have been paying close attention to what's been going on from inside my mommy. So let me tell you my side of things, from the beginning.

Meet my dad, this was before he got his teeth fixed. He looks like he bit the wrong end of a cinder block.

He is an actor, doctor, pilot and overall a pretty good gay guy.
And this is my mommy, she is one fine piece of ass with great tits..

Daddy, as you may know, is one crazy son of a bitch and when he saw mommy for the first time he knew right away, this would make a great hostage, he locked on and hasn't let go since:

Shortly after this picture was taken, Daddy was giving an interview and some man decided to see if Daddy would melt if he was sprayed with water, he didn't but it was funny as hell to see it happen:

So after a few weeks of mind tampering and playing with his magic gloves

Daddy planted his alien seed in mommy.

Scientolgists don't have to use their peepee's, Captain Hubbard teaches how to impregnate a girl by the method known as "Snow Balling"
After a few tries he was finally successful, actually Im pretty sure I took the first time, I think daddy just likes the taste of semen. shhhh, don't tell him i said that...hahaha..
Anyway so after a few months I started making my way into the loony bin that is TomKat.. That's me on the left..

And here again..Already a freak..

Well I think that has us up to date. Keep checking back cause I plan on giving you all the inside scoop to my crazy already fucked up life.. Oh yeah wanna see the first shirt I plan on wearing?